Soon

Soon enough when things calm down around the house and I settle into my school routine a little better I will join the blogging world again.

Until then...

Today

Today I got to speak at your funeral; That's something I thought I'd never live to see.

Today I watched so many faces with drops dropping from them; Drops that were not suppose to be for you.

Today I heard a beautiful song, Amazing Grace, being sung by someone you longed to hear; Something I heard you playing your guitar along to in my head.

Today I watched people place dirt on a wooden box that was being placed into the ground.

Today I watched that wooden box and said "Goodbye Dad"

Today I sit and wonder why you have not let me know you are ok?

Why have you not let me dream about you?

Why have you not let me see or hear something to be sure it is you that is letting me know you are ok?
Why have you not made me feel like you are here are with me?

Today I wonder why neither one of us let each other know how much we mean to the other (I guess because we are so much alike).

Today I wonder what it will be like when I see you again.

I love you.

Forever

+

Always

P.S

I can not thank everyone enough for their thoughts, their prayers, and their kind words.

They honestly do help.

And if there is only one thing you ever take away from this, please let it be to ALWAYS, no matter what, be good to your parents.

You will be glad you did.

Daddy's Hands

A song that I never thought would have so much meaning in my life as it does today, and every day after.
Since I was little my mom would always tell me I had my dad's hands, and how pretty they were.
"You're lucky you didn't get my ugly hands, thank your dad!"
Did I ever take the time to thank for him for such a silly thing?
Unfortunately I did not. I should have.

His hands were the hands of a worker.
A gardener.
A fixer.
A dad.

As I held my daddy's hands today for as long as time would allow on his death bed, I DID see the resemblance my mom had always talked about time and time again. My dad was the smartest man I have ever met, and I know I will never meet anyone who can compare to his wisdom. He was the only to answer all Jeopardy questions right (every night), I think some may have read in my sister's Blog.
He was there for absolutely everybody he loved when they were sick. Took care of them from start to finish whether they healed or God decided it was their time.

My dad has done many miraculous things with those dear hands.
"Cut the cord of a child.
Built things.
Fixed things.
Turned the pages of a Bible.
Placed a ring on one's finger."

My dad's hands are so exactly the correct lyrics to that song:

"I remember Daddy's hands folded silently in prayer, And reaching out to hold me when I had a nightmare. You could read quite a story in the callouses and lines. Years of work and worry had left their mark behind.

I remember Daddy's hands, How they held my Mama tight, And patted my back for something I'd done right. There are things I've forgotten that I loved about that man, But I'll always remember the love in Daddy's hands.

Daddy's hands, were soft and kind when I was crying. Daddy's hands, were hard as steel when I'd done wrong. Daddy's hands weren't always gentle, But I've come to understand, There was always love in Daddy's hands.

I remember Daddy's hands working till they bled, Sacrificed unselfishly just to keep us all fed. If I could do things over, I'd live my life again, And never take for granted the love in Daddy's hands.

Daddy's hands, were soft and kind when I was crying. Daddy's hands, were hard as steel when I'd done wrong. Daddy's hands weren't always gentle, But I've come to understand, There was always love in Daddy's hands."

I will miss him to no extent. I will be forever heartbroken that this is how he had to go. I will be heartbroken that Bear [who he loved sooo much, probably more than my brother and I put together :)] will not be able to see him in his older days (Bear's older days). Will not be able to learn the things my dad knows. Will not be able to experience that light he brought to everyone he ever met.

This is not what my dad wanted.
He was suppose to live forever.
Plans change.

I am praying I can stay as strong as I am to be able to post what I so badly wish I did not have to post.

I love you dad. Always have, always will.
Forever... Until the end.
I Promise.

(You were the one I always bragged about that I can call/text whenever to ask a question and you would have my answer).
Who shall I ask now?

He had just got done helping someone else out to fix their car (why they are a bit greasy, as they sometimes were on most weekends).

I'll always remember those rugged, yet soft hands.

The Most Difficult Thing

I think a girl should have to endure.Yesterday I got a call from my brother.
My dad was bleeding, on the floor, not responding.
I get there.
Empty bottle of pills. (Tylenol).
My dad can barely respond with a simple nod of his head. Can not speak, can not open his eyes.
911 was called. He was taken to the hospital.
I will not explain until I am ready and if I feel it is appropriate for blogging as to what we found in his room.
My dad is now in a coma.
On life support.
Liver has completely failed.
Blood pressure very low.
Can't clot his own blood which means they can't start Dialisis until he can, can't put a small catheder into his scalp to relieve pressure of the brain until he can.
Will need a liver transplant.
The waiting list for those can be 45-60 days."If he makes it that long."-Doctor
Possible brain damage if he recovers.

Now to explain why Tylenol is so bad and the number one overdose people do.
Other medication (such as sleeping pills people try to overdose on) can be pumped out of the stomach, slept off, and off you go.
Tylenol and Aspril enter the blood stream and keep fighting at your body and effect your liver and muscles (your heart is a muscle).
The medication to counter-act what the Tylenol does will not work because it had been in his system for too long.
We didn't know he took the pills until around 10:30 yesterday morning, we are sure he took them sometime before 1 in the morning (when he was found).
My brother thought he had just been drinking and helped him to bed.We later find out when he seems he fell off the bed (and was bleeding) that he had taken the whole bottle of pills.
Tylenol levels are very very high.
I am not asking for sympathy, as I have that in my family, I am not asking for people to feel sorry for me.
All I ask is that if you read this, to PLEASE pray for my dad.
He really is a good guy and this is very much so out of character for him.
Please pray for him everytime you think of me. Please pray for him even if you never met him (I assure you you would have seen what a strong, SMART, corageous person he was).
Please pray for him if only for one brief second.That's the most I can ask from you guys, my friends.
Thank you so much and if anyone feels they wish to talk to me, I will have my cell, I'll be at the hospital all day.

{Going Green}

Or brown, however you think about it.

INTRODUCING!... THE SAG!

Where diapers meet their full potential, and mom's meet a new budget.

Now don't take me too literal here, but as my sister always says "Diapers are too dang expensive to be changing them whenever they pee!"

And she is so right.

Not only are we saving money... We're helping the environment!

(:

I don't think he likes the sag so much...

Oreos

What have I gotten myself into with giving him those?!

The worst 4th of July

ever.

End of story.

Definition of...

A grandpa:

1.The father of one's father or mother.
2. The founder or originator of a family, species, type, etc.; the first of one's or its kind, or the one being longest in existence.

The Definition of a Fun Papa:

Thanks for being the funnest grandpa!

Love,

Bear.